Of Nicotine

 Of all the earthly pleasures that doth persuade the soul to destroy the body, tobaccos, in particular cigarettes, are of the most alluring and glamorous sort, and it is cigarettes that I have indulged in and adopted as my own-

     “classy way to commit suicide,” -Kurt Vonnegut.

However, as you, dear reader, may ask, why would someone of a sound mind, regardless of how dubious a claim that may be when applied to me, choose as an addiction something which shall eventually end their life? This is a question only to be asked, in my experience, by one who has never felt the warm yet iron grip of nicotine in their veins. Is this because cigarettes less deadly or harmful than non-smokers have been led to believe? A resounding no, in fact cigarettes, believe or not, may be even more dangerous than the non-smoker public believes, containing, among other things, radioactive polonium the same element used to poison former KGB agent Alexander V. Litvinenko.

Why then, with this knowledge, do I choose to draw this into my lungs ten to twenty times a day? It is for no more than the cathartic pleasure that cigarettes, and only cigarettes, can give me. At an inhale, the rush of endorphins and dopamine into the curves and cervices of my gray matter simply generate a feeling of quasi-zen peacefulness so deep and true that I am willing to slowly die for it. Then there is the exhale of an opaque cloud of carcinogens so dangerous that it is illegal to exhale it inside of most buildings, but has a distinct poetic beauty of fragility and calmness as it dissipates unto the ether.

You see, smoking is much more than simply an addiction, but rather it is a pleasure. A pleasure which is shared by and will kill me, my parents, all but one of my aunts and uncles, and every one of my cousins over eighteen, and has already claimed my grandmother, and a handful of great uncles. Death is part of the draw however. There is something so brash yet admirable about accepting your death in favor of Earthly pleasures. Just as Achilles, one of the few men in history to compare to me, chose a shorter life filled with glory over old age. I too have chosen a shorter life, but not for glory but rather for pleasure.

While this may be a tad hedonistic, and no doubt it is, I am rather okay with it.  I feel as if a vice which neither impairs my mind nor changes my personality is a manageable enough of a vice for me to call it moral.  Whether you agree or not reader, I can not change as morality is a personal matter.  However maybe the astute and cutting words of the great bard Sean Bomette can convince you otherwise:

    "Smoking makes you cool.  

         And smoking makes you rule.  

         So just light up a smoke, 

         And you'll never go broke,  

         And you'll be the most popular kid in school. 

         The coolest kid in school!" 

            -Andrew Jackson Jihad, Cigarettes